My dog ate my homework. I forgot to save my file. I was staying up all night to complete my work but I left it at home.
These were the common excuses we used as children. Sometimes we could sneak away unharmed but other times, well not so lucky.
Times change, season change, but excuses never change. We may become wiser as we grow older but our excuses can still be downright elementary at times.
So in honor of those who can’t make it to work because your sister’s friend’s boyfriend’s mother’s nephew’s goldfish has become food for worms, here are 8 overused excuses for missing work: (Warning: these excuses may or may not work, so your boss may not buy it, you’ve been warned!)
P.S: Also, this list is for humor purposes only.
1. My alarm didn’t go off
What better way then to kickoff the list with one of the classics – the good ol’ “my alarm didn’t go off” excuse. You set your alarm to at a wrong time which consequently resulted in you waking up in another dynasty, so you figure that you might as well just work from home since it’s pointless to get to work late only to face stares, a chuckle or two here and there and guilt (guilt like when there’s only two person in the room and you farted and you have no choice but to forcefully raise your hand that you’re guilty) as you walk through the door right? Your rational mind tells you.
Yep, totally believable and plausible.
2. Health reasons
Food poisoning, migraine, fever, the flu, diarrhea, vomiting, headache, stomach ache, back ache, tooth ache, brain ache, toe ache, your left nostril aches and the endless other aches that you could possibly imagine or conjure up, chances are they are already in the book of excuses.
3. My car won’t start
Okay, you have no health problems – everything’s A-OK with you – and being the exemplary employee that you are, you set the alarm off at an earlier time so that you can wake up early for work.
True enough, you wake up early the following day while it’s still dawn, take your shower and calmly have your breakfast while reading the paper. Then you get to your car, ready to start your day….only to find out that your car won’t start – no matter how desperately you try.
So naturally, the rational step is for you to call in to inform your boss that you can’t come in for work right? Taking into consideration that you live in a remote farmhouse and there are no other modes of transportation to get to work, mobile applications like Uber and GrabCar doesn’t exist and car pooling is so totally out of the picture.
4. My kid has gotten into trouble at school
Whether if your child gets called into the principal’s office or if he or she wet their pants (again), you – being the awesome parent that you are – would want to be there for your child when duty calls no? Plus, it’s very unlikely that your employer will deny you the opportunity to attend to your child’s needs.
5. The “I have cramps” card
If your boss is a guy and he is unsympathetic, he’s a d*****b**. If your boss is a lady and could resonate with your situation but yet is still unsympathetic, she’s a d*****b**. If your male colleagues are unsympathetic, they are d*****b***. If your female colleagues could resonate well with your situation but yet is still unsympathetic….. well you get the idea. Moving on.
6. Family emergencies
Sure, family emergencies are unpredictable and it’s always, ALWAYS more important to be by their side than anything else in the world, no matter the circumstances – even if it means missing the biggest business deal of your life (well kinda, I’m kidding. Don’t.).
Having said that however, it’s also one of the most overused excuses. For that, below is a sample of a simple excuse template that you can use for your next excuse appointment. Good luck!
Like an arrow piercing my heart – it pains me to do this, but due to the horrific, unfortunate and unforeseen circumstances, my *insert family member here* was *insert imaginary event here* on *insert date of imaginary event here*. As such, I was unable to be present for work. I will, however, complete *insert fake promises here* as soon as I am back as I already have one hand on it.
*Insert name here*
7. My car’s in the workshop
8. Absent without reason/notice
Nothing at all. Not a sound, a phone call, or a word. Just like fart gone with the wind.